


The Tequila Story

by SassyUnicorn7



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Humor and Smut, Gauntlets and Greaves, Gauntlets and Greaves Week, Morning After, One Shot, POV First Person, Yang's perspective, oh my!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 18:49:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13957770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyUnicorn7/pseuds/SassyUnicorn7
Summary: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!  Or Mercury's bed.  Wherever she ends up landing.After a night so fun she can't remember it, Yang awakens to an apartment she's never seen before next to a guy she wishes she could say the same about.  Hilarity ensues as Yang tries to compose herself.





	The Tequila Story

**Author's Note:**

> The story takes place a few years after the fall of Beacon and the war with Salem. (Yang is roughly twenty years old.) Mercury is a "good" guy now, but still the bane of Yang's existence.
> 
> This was a prompt given by ShipperOfTrashyShips, and taken on by me and my fellow writer, Desdemonawrath in honor of Gauntlets and Greaves week! Enjoy :)
> 
> Shout out to Adox for inspiring the text conversations! I love the way they read in "Tell Your Lemmons to Fuck Off" and wanted to implement them in this piece. Coding is such a pain, and I have a whole new respect for you, senpai! ('^')>

Hate is a strong word, but being the strong woman I was, I felt 100% justified to use it when needed. The only time I tended to need it, though, was when I was describing my regard for a certain silver-haired asshole who always managed to step on my toes despite not having proper feet. 

It was a damn shame, too. He was probably the most gorgeous creature I’d ever laid eyes on, with a face so chiseled and a body so sculpted you’d think he was a work of art come to life. The saying, “Looks aren’t everything,” should’ve been this guy’s tagline, though, because no matter how lost in his steely gray eyes I seemed to get, his mouth always yanked me back to the harsh reality that Mercury Black—while handsome as could be—was by far the biggest, most loathsome douchebag I’d ever had the displeasure of knowing.

That’s exactly why I couldn’t believe it when I was waking up to said loathsome douchebag, stark naked, in an unfamiliar bed at two in the afternoon. On a _Sunday_ of all days.

_Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned._

I shot up to a sitting position like I’d been zapped with a thousand volts, my groggy mind going from zero to sixty as I searched every conscious crevice of my memory for the pieces that might add to the incomplete puzzle of my current predicament. I was to no avail. However much alcohol I consumed the night before, it was enough to make me blackout.

_Three cheers for irresponsibility._

The less I could remember, the more frenzied my thoughts became—at least until they got distracted.

The clean, white sheets were just enough to hide the juicy parts from my eyes, but they left some pretty nice side thigh and the V-line of Mercury’s abs exposed to the world—or rather, just me. It was the kind of eye-candy you didn’t realize you needed until your sweet tooth was suddenly very satisfied; the kind of eye-candy I knew I’d be craving the instant I swore it off.

_Damn it all…_

I was glad I was sitting down. Going from groggy, to frenzied, to captivated in the course of seventeen seconds was pure dizzying. The headache from my hangover wasn’t helping matters either. Had I been standing, it wouldn’t have been for long.

Dizzying headaches and fuzzy memories aside, Mercury’s anatomy was striking even when covered with clothes, so it was no wonder his nakedness managed to command my attention the way it did. It was my first time seeing it, after all. Well… my first time committing it to memory.

Most people probably didn’t think of amputees when they envisioned the perfect body, but that’s because most people didn’t know Mercury Black. I could feel my mind turn mushier with each passing second as my eyes traveled up and down his form. Even the scars seemed perfect, what with their pale, smooth lines seemingly calculated and placed by some masterful artist. Some even looked like little crescent moons—very fitting for a boy so dark with hair so silver. He was the personification of a star in the night sky.

The scars did more than aesthetically please me, though. They made me curious. Mercury was so good at being a jerk I tended to forget such jerkery was instilled by past traumas and experiences.

I reached a finger out to touch an X-shaped mark on his arm, wondering what sort of story could be behind a wound so small yet serious enough to make it permanent. His skin felt warm, a feeling I didn’t tend to associate with Smirkury, and for a moment I forgot I was supposed to be panicking. Two metal-gray eyes were all it took to remind me.

I didn't notice him watching me at first, but if there was one thing Mercury had down, it was the intensity of his stare. The minute I sensed the weight of it, my eyes met his and I pulled my hand back so fast you’d think his scar bit me.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” I asked, rubbing my hand like it really had just been bitten. Talking made me realize my throat was in desperate need of hydration. It squeaked worse than the rickety swing set my dad built for me when I was three.

Mercury sat up, taking the sheets with him, thank the gods. My heart might’ve exploded had it endured an unnecessary glimpse.

“Last time I checked, this is my apartment,” he said with the smug attitude that always warped his words into something far more annoying than he probably intended. Or maybe he _did_ intend to be annoying. I could never tell with this guy.

What was even _more_ annoying was that no matter _how_ annoying he was, he always managed to sound dead sexy. Whether it was because he just woke up or because he was coming down with some kind of cold, Mercury’s voice was lower and had more gravel to it than usual. I unintentionally licked my bone-dry bottom lip just from the raspy sound of it, tucking it under my front teeth and imagining the sassy assassin saying much dirtier things in that same sexy tone. I was quick to snap out of it, but silently cursed myself for giving him even the slightest visual confirmation of how attractive I found him.

_Damn it all._

If Mercury noticed my lip slip-up, he didn’t deem it comical enough to joke about, choosing instead to lazily stretch his arms above his head and let out a yawn so contagious I had no choice but to yawn as well.

“Do you like coffee?” he asked, voice still low, raspy, and sexy as hell.

I blinked three full times before I answered. Once because I was confused, twice because I had to repeat what he said in my mind before I could believe I’d understood him, and a third time because even after realizing I heard him right, I still had a hard time accepting the reality that he was being—dare I say—nice. And not just nice to some random chick. He was being nice to _me._ Anyone who knew us and the history we shared would be just as baffled.

“Uh… yeah. One cream, two sugars.”

Mercury nodded and climbed out of bed, leaving me to softly gasp and turn my head too little too late. There was no stopping the rosy color spreading across my face in big, embarrassing splotches. The damage was done and the image of Mercury’s full-on naked body was eternally burned in my mind. I could tell Mercury noticed my embarrassment for his smirk grew five times bigger as he made his way to the kitchen side of his studio apartment, the smug little prick. Actually… he was a decent sized prick.

_Damn it all!_

I pulled the plush gray comforter up around my chest. Just because Mercury didn’t care if I saw him, the feeling was _not mutual._ I glanced around the bed—which was really just a kingsized mattress on a boxspring in the middle of the floor—before realizing I had no idea where any of my stuff was, and that included my clothes.

I wished I had something to keep me busy, like checking my scroll notifications and pretending every single person in my contact list was worried sick about me, dying to know if I’d survived the night. In all honesty, if any of my so-called _friends_ had seen me leave with Mercury, they damn well _should_ have been worrying about my survival! That, or my sanity. 

“It’s on the desk,” Mercury called from over the counter—the only structure dividing the kitchen from the rest of the apartment. 

I scanned the the small space again, honing in on the computer desk in the corner this time. Keeping the bedsheets tightly wrapped around me in a toga worthy of an ancient princess, I stepped off the mattress and onto the cold concrete floor. 

The second I moved to stand up, I felt a sharp pain between my thighs. The tenderness was present with each step I took, despite how gingerly I moved. The only other thing I could feel besides the cool floor and the sharp pain was the satisfied smirk slanting its way up Mercury’s face as he observed me from the other side of the room. I didn’t even have to see it to know it was happening. I could just tell. He knew why I was walking the way I was, and nothing could please him more than knowing it was his doing. The jerk... 

Continuing to step lightly, I crossed over to the desk, very aware of two steely gray eyes watching me as I went. I managed to forget the eyes as well as the smirk when I recognized the pocket-sized device charging next to the computer. A wave of relief washed over me. 

“My scroll,” I croaked, my throat still in dire need of a refreshment. I reached for the delicate piece of technology and checked its battery. 

_17 new texts. 9 missed calls. 100% Charged._

“I guess they _do_ care,” I muttered to myself, unplugging my scroll from the computer and crossing back to the bed to sit more comfortably as I checked my messages.

  
**~*Sis*~ <10:31 PM> **  
u were right. Oscar really likes the flower accessories!  


  
**Ice Queen <11:00 PM> **  
We’re here, but we can’t find parking. Has Junior ever heard the word valet?  


  
**Ice Queen <11:07 PM> **  
Just parked! Where are you?  


  
**~*Sis*~ <11:28 PM> **  
omigosh. im crushing so hardcore on this boi!!!  


__  
**~*Sis*~ <11:30 PM> **  
should I try to kiss him?! or should I let him kiss me?!  


  
**~*Sis*~ <11:52 PM> **  
u said u would be my wing-woman tonight :(  


  
**~*Sis*~ <12:17 AM> **  
YANG!!! TALK TO MEEEEEEEE!!!  


  
**~*Sis*~ <12:17 AM> **  
i cant do this by myself… TT__TT  


  
**~*Sis*~ <2:22 AM> **  
Blake just said she saw u leave with Mercury?! plz text me back to let me know your alive.  


  
**Blake <2:28 AM> **  
Hey. Be careful. Call me if you need a ride home.

**Blake <2:29 AM> **  
Also, don’t be mad, but I’m going to use you two as inspiration for a novel I’m writing. Cool? Cool.  


  
**Ice Queen <2:30 AM> **  
Don’t do anything dumb. Kay? Thnx.  


  
**Nora <2:33 AM> **  
get it gurrrrrl!!! (b^_^)b

**Nora <2:34 AM> **  
let me know if you test out your arm’s latest feature ;) ow ow!  


  
**~*Sis*~ <9:46 AM> **  
yang, plz respond. Im really starting to get worried… this isnt funny anymore.  


__

  
**Ice Queen <11:11 AM> **  
I’m never doing tequila shots again! I can only imagine how you must feel—you did twice as many! And text your sister. Your silence is scaring the shit out of her.  


__

  
**~*Sis*~ <1:30 PM> **  
if you dont text back within the next hour, im calling a search party. you have been warned.  


__  
_Crap!_  


The clock on my scroll read twenty-one minutes till three. There was a definite probability Ruby was just bluffing about rounding up a search party, but that didn’t make my fingers fumble any less as I hastily typed a reply.

  
**My Numbuh <2:40 PM> **  
I’m alive! Chillax! Everything’s under control. Be home soon!

I didn’t even have to check the missed calls to know nearly all of them were from Ruby. The only one that wasn’t was from Weiss. Based on my context clues and the time the Ice Queen called, I assumed she was trying to pinpoint our whereabouts in the club. Whoops.

“Bet you’re popular this morning,” Mercury said, his voice slightly smoother than when he first woke up, but still sprinkled with the bit of gruffness that did things I didn’t want it to. He might as well have been in stealth mode from the way he approached the bed. His footfalls were so quiet I didn't realize he was coming closer until he was holding a full mug of coffee in front of my face. At least he’d managed to find and don some boxers in his ninja travels, though the paisley-print underwear did nothing to hide his metal appendages. I supposed I would just be grateful for what it _did_ manage to cover.

“Morning? It’s nearly three,” I said, taking the coffee without so much as a thank you. It felt weird not to thank someone for such a gesture, but it felt weirder voicing those two small words to such one big asshole. I had no doubt I either would’ve choked or vomited had I attempted it.

Mercury gave a slight shrug of his shoulders and took a quick sip of his coffee before joining me on the bed. “My clock works a little differently than most.” 

“Your clock’s not the only thing that’s off,” I muttered. I wasn’t wrong. The boy was unlike any other human I’d ever encountered, and he knew it just as well as I did. Which brought me back to the question of all questions: what the actual _fuck_ was I doing there?! 

My metal fingers traced around my coffee cup’s rim as I stared down at the steaming brown liquid inside. “So are we gonna talk about it?” I asked.

“Do you even remember it?” he countered.

“Not really,” I admitted. “But I doubt you do either.” 

__“Not true. I remember it very clearly. Unlike you, I didn’t need an entire bottle of tequila in order to end up in my bed last night.”_ _

__I looked up and met his eyes. “I drank an entire bottle of tequila?”_ _

__“And ate the worm,” he happily confirmed._ _

__“Oh my god…”_ _

__“Hey, easy on the OMGs. It’s Sunday.”_ _

__I dropped my forehead to my free hand and massaged it with my thumb and index finger. “I feel fucking terrible,” I groaned. Just hearing about my drunken escapades made my head ache twice as much._ _

__“For what it’s worth, you don’t _look_ fucking terrible,” he said offhandedly, taking another nonchalant sip of coffee._ _

__I dropped my hand and tried to meet Mercury’s eyes again, but he was suddenly avoiding me. “Really? I don’t look like shame and regret?”_ _

__He said nothing and took yet another sip of coffee._ _

__“You’re just trying to fuck me again,” I guessed._ _

__That got him to turn his head back towards me. “Is it working?” he asked with so much charm I nearly said yes._ _

__“What do you think?”_ _

__“I think… you don’t hate me nearly as much as you pretend to,” he said._ _

___Why_ was his voice so sexy that day?! It made it really difficult to think straight. Or maybe that was more impart to the hangover or possibly the fact he was half naked. Whatever it was, it needed to stop._ _

__“I think _you_ got extremely lucky last night and shouldn’t hold your breath if you’re hoping it’ll happen again,” I told him._ _

__Nothing I said could perturb Mercury’s cool demeanor. In fact, the more I protested, the more chill he seemed to be._ _

__“If that’s the way you feel, then you _definitely_ don’t remember last night,” he said matter-of-factly. A small twinge of pain shot between my thighs as if my lady parts were agreeing with him. Fuck, even my body was against me._ _

__“Awfully cocky, aren’t you?” I rolled my eyes and lifted my mug to take a long slurp of coffee. It was actually pretty good, and my vocal cords thanked me dearly for the liquid relief._ _

__“You should be, too,” he said._ _

__I furrowed my brow in confusion. “What? Cocky?”_ _

__“Well, you are what you eat…”_ _

__I glared at the quick-witted bastard with all the contempt I could muster. If my eyes weren’t red, they were damn well about to be._ _

__“Did I eat any _‘out of here’_ last night? Because I’m definitely about to be that,” I said, setting my coffee down beside the boxspring and rising to my feet, toga still intact. I scampered about the apartment, glancing every which way for clothing that might belong to me. Fuck, I couldn’t even remember what I’d worn the night before._ _

__Mercury interrupted my search with a cheerful whistle that might as well have been saying, _“yoo hoo.”_ The two sharp sounds froze me in place, for I knew the moment I turned around, Mercury would be holding exactly what I was looking for._ _

__And I was right._ _

__After inching my way back toward him in the most agonizingly slow pivot my feet could manage, I found Mercury casually sprawled across the bed, one hand holding his coffee mug, the other twirling a white garment above his head like a miniature helicopter, and his expression as flirty as could be._ _

__“Give it back, Mercury,” I said, trying my best not to sound too threatening. The more forceful I was, the more he’d make me work for it, I had no doubt._ _

__“White’s too innocent a color for you,” he teased, tossing the garment at me with one last rotation round his spiky silver hair._ _

__I caught it with one hand—my human hand—keeping the prosthetic one clutched to the top of my makeshift toga. “What color would you have me wear then?” I asked, partly mocking, partly curious._ _

__“Red,” Mercury said without missing a beat._ _

__I snorted. “That’s my sister’s trademark color. Come to think of it, it’s my mom’s, too…”_ _

__“Which makes it all the easier to borrow a few clothes,” Mercury said, like he’d just revealed the answer to a complicated math equation. _And_ showed his work._ _

__“Fortunately, I don’t dress for _you,”_ I said flatly._ _

__“But you do _undress_ for me, which I find all the more fortunate, really.”_ _

__“What? Did you put an extra spoonful of obnoxious in your coffee today?” I scoffed, huffily turning my focus to finding any semblance of privacy the open apartment had to offer. Mercury didn’t even have a folding screen, for dust’s sake! “Urghhhh! Where do you normally change!?” I half growled, half shouted in exasperation._ _

__“I don’t really change… I’m a creature of habit. I stay the same no matter—”_ _

__“Cut the crap, Mercury, and tell me where I can put my fucking clothes on without having to worry about your pervy eyes.”_ _

__Mercury raised an eyebrow of said pervy eye. “You do realize it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”_ _

__“You do realize it’s nothing you’ll see again,” I fired back._ _

__Mercury titled his head clenched his teeth in a smile that looked like he’d felt the burn from that last remark. With his butt practically stuck to the mattress, the lazy bum walked his exposed mechanical legs to the ledge of the bed and threw them over so that he was facing the rather large window comprising his wall. More importantly, he was facing away from me. “I’ll count to ten,” he announced. “One…”_ _

__“What are we, kids playing hide-and-seek?”_ _

__“Two…”_ _

__I rolled my eyes so hard I was surprised the optic nerve didn’t detach. Nevertheless, I took advantage of Mercury’s cheeky countdown, dropping the white bedsheets and shimmying into my elegant yet equally white cocktail dress in five seconds flat._ _

__“Eight… Nine… Ten… Ready or not, here I peep.”_ _

__I wasn’t sure if he’d turned back around or not. I was too busy fixing my hair in the surprisingly reflective surface of his metal refrigerator. Man, I was knockout in that dress. Mercury was out of his mind if he thought white didn’t suit me. And when I realized how much sense that sentence made, I felt a little more confident sporting the white little ditty. Mercury _was_ out of his mind._ _

__“You want this, too?” he asked._ _

__I turned to see him using another piece of clothing to power his helicopter arm, only this time he was spinning a lacy pink bra round and round his finger. It was his middle finger, too. Gods, he was such an ass._ _

__If only to keep him from adding it to his personal collection of _trophies_ from past partners, I marched over to his side of the apartment and snatched my bra out of his grasp._ _

__“You seriously have no tact, do you?” I asked._ _

__Mercury responded with an indifferent shrug. “The only skills I have are the ones I need. Everything else isn’t necessary.”_ _

__I shook my head. “Spoken like a true douchebag,” I muttered, turning away from him so that I could work my bra under my dress._ _

__“You know, I think I prefer drunk Yang to regular Yang,” Mercury said offhandedly._ _

__“Why? Because she’s dumb enough to sleep with you?” I sneered, trying to feel the hooks of my bra through the fabric of my dress._ _

__“Because she reminds me of the Yang I used to know.”_ _

__With all garments in their proper place, I spun back around to face him. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”_ _

“The Yang I first met was adventurous, fun, and flirty. The Yang I know now is nothing but a glorified stick in the mud,” he said. “Who can occasionally crack a joke or two,” he added as an afterthought.

Although I should’ve been flattered for the praise in my sense of humor—afterthought or no—I was far too offended by everything else. “The old Yang was a stupid party girl who didn’t know any better. How well you _knew_ her is debatable,” I said. “What isn’t debatable is how well you know _me_ —because you don’t.”

“I know you take your coffee with one cream and two sugars,” Mercury said.

I blinked, my comprehension trying to keep up with my ears. For a moment I’d forgotten a mere fifteen minutes prior he’d asked me the question to that very accurate answer. That was cheating, and I was just about to tell him so before he cut me off.

__

__“That’s—”_ _

“I know despite being smaller than me, you like being the bigger spoon.” He set his coffee mug down and rose to his feet. “I know you, for some reason, really like how my hair smells. I think that ties into the big spoon thing, too,” he added with a light laugh, scratching the nape of his neck where his sweet-scented hair bristled up. He used a Mistral mountain oil to style it, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t smell insanely intoxicating. Apparently, Mercury would know I’d be lying, too.

“I know you hate dancing in heels and would brave a crowded dance floor barefoot if it meant jamming out to your favorite song. And I know the first person you think about when you’re anxious is your sister.”

I wondered how I’d remembered to charge my scroll in my drunken stupor. The slim possibility had occurred to me, but was fleeting because of how ridiculous it sounded. Now I was certain. Mercury knew I’d want to text Ruby the minute I woke up. He charged it for me.

“I know your eyes get scarlet red anytime I cross the line with you, so I constantly try to cross as many lines as possible just so I can see that stunning death glare.” Mercury was right in front of me. The coffee and conversation had taken away most of the huskiness his voice held earlier, but it was still smooth enough to slide down. I closed my eyes and focused on that pleasing sound—a sound so close I could feel it reverberate in my chest. “And I know that if I were to kiss you right now, you’d give in and forget all the reasons you hate me.”

I wanted to open my eyes, take a step back, and shout, “You know nothing, Mercury Black!” But I couldn’t.

My body was just as hypnotized as my mind, transfixed by his velvet voice. Or was it simply the words his voice was saying that had me so mesmerized? For the only thing that made me want to strangle Mercury on a daily basis was the word vomit he could never seem to stop spewing. Now that his words were so affectionate, it was almost like he was a completely different person. Still hot either way, though.

“Y-you’re just trying to fuck me again,” I said, my eyes remaining shut. I feared if I opened them, Mercury’s snakelike gaze would be just as hypnotic as the things he was saying. 

“Is it working?” he asked. I could hear the smarmy smile plaguing his lips, his breath soft on my face. He must’ve been no more than a head-tilt away from kissing me. 

__As much as I hated to admit it—and I _really_ hated to admit it—it _was_ working. I was in perfect kissing position and I did nothing to change it—not even open my eyes._ _

__“What do you think?” I whispered, barely managing to get the words out before they were cut off by Mercury’s mouth colliding with mine. I welcomed his lips, perhaps even beckoned them with a subconscious lean forward, blindly searching for the taste my mind couldn’t recall, but my body so desperately wanted—so desperately _needed!__ _

__Mercury may have said he liked the old version of me better, but the old version of Mercury could stay wherever the hell he was and never come back. Mercury 2.0 was taking the world by storm, starting with me._ _

__I felt silly for making such a big deal out of redressing. My clothes were back on the floor within seconds.__

__~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_ _

__  


“Yang! Where have you been!” Ruby shouted the second I walked in the front door. “Well, I mean… I know where you’ve been. I mean, I sorta have a vague idea….” she trailed off. “Actually, you don’t have to tell me the details,” she quickly amended.

__“Great,” I said with a curt nod. “I wasn’t planning on it.”_ _

__“You could’ve at least called or texted me back sooner. I was really worried,” Ruby whined with a pout that was too cute to belong to an eighteen-year-old._ _

__“Says the girl who once left home to go explore a foreign continent with nothing more than a few sentences of farewell,” I pointed out._ _

__“At least you knew where I was!” she snapped right back._ _

__I chuckled. The only thing cuter than a pouting Ruby was a defensive Ruby. “Right. You got me. I admit defeat,” I said, putting my hands up in surrender. “But can I suffer the consequences tomorrow? I need to sleep off this hangover, stat.”_ _

__Ruby sighed, “That’s what you get for drinking tequila…”_ _

__~Fin_ _

**Author's Note:**

> And they lived drunkily ever after!
> 
> **Tequila song starts playing**


End file.
